Album: The Baby is June Artist: Funk McLovin Date: November 23, 2020 Date Added: April 12, 2021 Cover Art: Funk McLovin Has Track Art: no Color: #00c0ff Groups: - Funk McLovin - Fandom URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/album/the-baby-is-june - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVNREaFFhdM ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Track: Meat Nor Candy Duration: 0:37 Contributors: - Funk McLovin (Dave) - AE (June) - Bucky Grant (Karkat) URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/meat-nor-candy Lyrics: DAVE: so june DAVE: did you pick meat or candy JUNE: dave?? JUNE: how did you know i was at a picnic? DAVE: everyone knows DAVE: its a super important choice with important ramifications JUNE: what? oh man, this might be bad. KARKAT: OH SWEET FUCK. WHAT DID YOU DO, JUNE. DAVE: did you even go to the fucking picnic JUNE: n- no? i... i... DAVE: urgh DAVE: fuck DAVE: ugh JUNE: dave, what's going on! KARKAT: THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO, JUNE. DAVE: i can only explain whats happening to me DAVE: ngh DAVE: in song ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Track: Dave's Ballad Duration: 1:54 Contributors: - Funk McLovin (Dave) - AE (June) - Bucky Grant (Karkat) URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/daves-ballad-2 Lyrics: I was walkin' down the street practicing some rhymes Just like you do when you're the knight of time When a realization struck me clear out the blue In through the outdoor I pulled the wazoo I saw the time foam in a paradox space And faster than the bunny won the tortoise race I knew you had to make a lun-choice You had to utter two words with your very own voice And June if you didn't then there's just one catch If you didn't select one of Calliope's snacks One final timeline that I know to be true I'm having a baby and the baby is you JUNE: but dave... JUNE: the tortoise won the race. KARKAT: IT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW, JUNE. KARKAT: FOCUS ON THE BABY PART. Well I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you I know this to be true I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you You better buy some tiny shoes JUNE: how the hell does this even work?? DAVE: oh well im glad you asked You'll remember in a time in a game called SBURB When "ectobiologize" was the key verb You made a bunch of shitty little baby clones And sent them to the appropriate time zones But along the way the wires got crossed And out into the first ring baby June was tossed You could see how this could be A little problem metaphysically Because if you're marooned in the depths of space You couldn't make the baby clone of yourself in the first place And now to complete the right time loop I've been impregnated and the baby is you Well I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you I know this to be true (oooh!) I'm having a baby and the baby is you (...) I'm having a baby and the baby is you I'm having a baby and the baby is you You better buy some tiny shoes JUNE: dave, what the fuck. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Track: Karkat's Lament Duration: 2:44 Contributors: - Bucky Grant (Karkat) URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/karkats-lament Lyrics: I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored With a man who speaks with that annoying stammer In spite of his yammering and habits thereof I wish there was a way to express my love I've not been one for shows of affection They're always taken in some awful direction And uh, since I'm a troll and he's a human Well I've got no template for wooing acumen Now that I'm comfy with the time that I spend Happy to be with him until the bitter end Paradox space so cruelly descends He's having a baby and the baby's my friend Oh I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored WIth a man who has- pff- zero manners And just when I was poised to get used to him Reality reminded me it's just too grim But wishing my heart with a fatal twist That I could love him in domestic bliss But what I wanted wasn't goddamn this Things weren't supposed to go amiss But when you imagine a dispute of the heart Something to drive two lovers apart In the books that I read when I was a grub There were strpies like passion and conflict and love But in those tomes over which I pored Reading about the quadrants that I adored It wasn't a whisper or even a maybe Of your boyfriend having his best friend's baby [Pensive trumpet solo.] I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored Of a boy I can't help but chase after Gestating my buddy in his gravid womb I can't let this be Davekat's doom I'm just a troll, a troll so enamored With a man who speaks with that annoying stammer In spite of his yammering and habits thereof I wish there was a way to express my love ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Track: June's Ode Duration: 2:44 Contributors: - AE (June) - Funk McLovin (Dave) URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/junes-ode Lyrics: DAVE: alright youll be able to see the ultrasound image on the monitor DAVE: the miracle of life is wonderful dont you agree june DAVE: uh DAVE: june That baby is me It's plain to see From the ultrasound image And my friend's stomach Looking so carefree I've been through a lot I've seen some shit But this takes the cake This one is it I can't carry on I can't wrap my brain His stomach's distended a baby With my own face It's got my buckteeth And my mischevious grin Even more upsetting I see my glasses on them I try to shout I try to scream But I can't comprehend The baby is me My buddy Dave is pregnant With a baby who is me Seems surreal What's the deal He's swimming in Dave's pee DAVE: its not pee june its amniotic fluid DAVE: theres a big difference (Hey while you guys are singing, do mind if I take a trumpet solo?) (Sure thing doc, go right ahead.) [Prenatal trumpet solo.] A child in my bro A wholeass baby kid Not even the result Of something I did Dave is taking this well What the fuck is his deal I've been losing my mind Is this how the virgin Mary feels Look at their weird face On the ultrasound screen They're looking at me God what could this mean How can Dave sit there With zero qualms Is he a good dad Am I a good mom My buddy Dave is pregnant With a baby who is me Seems surreal What's the deal He's swimming in Dave's pee DAVE: for the last time its not pee ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Track: Off Brand Duration: 3:58 Contributors: - AE (June) - Bucky Grant (Karkat) - Funk McLovin (Dave) URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/off-brand Lyrics: JUNE: i hope dave is okay. JUNE: what do you think will happen if something goes wrong? JUNE: what if i evaporate, like in back to the future? KARKAT: IT'LL BE FINE, JUNE. JUNE: but i've been hearing trumpet playing from the delivery room this whole time. KARKAT: NO DON'T WORRY, THAT'S JUST THE DOCTOR FROM TRACK FOUR. JUNE: oh, right. I know it's off brand But I wouldn't worry Dave's a strong sort of guy He's a good dad So we'd better hurry And pull ourselves together, here's why Through these nine months I've hemmed and I've hawed But here's the conclusion I came to It's surreal and unfun But I've been so in awe You me and Dave too I know it's our friend But I sort of agree Dave's taken this just like a champ It's not the most grand That the baby is me But we really oughta be in Dave's camp Through these nine months I've been so horrified About the implications metaphysic But through these nine months Not one single time Have I told Dave he's terrific I know it's not grand But the trio of us Two dads and one paradox daughter Can be hand in hand One family of us Come temporal hell or high water DAVE: well folks great news JUNE: oh, dave! thank god. KARKAT: DAVE, LOOK AT HER. KARKAT: IT'S A LITTLE JUNE. JUNE: i'm still not entirely sure how it was born with my glasses on... DAVE: i have some bad news KARKAT: WHAT IS IT? JUNE: what do you mean? DAVE: to preserve the time loop this baby has to go back in time and live your childhood june DAVE: we cant keep it KARKAT: ...I GUESS THIS IS OUR ONE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE. I know it's off brand But I'm teary-eyed I love this little dude most Karkat my man And June buddy of mine Now I know why we're so close When we were kids Playing SBURB I knew that we all were connected Through all this amidst Our trials absurd It's not quite the way we expected I know it's off brand But the trio of us Two dads and one paradox daughter Can be hand in hand One family of us Come temporal hell or high water DAVE: well DAVE: that was weird DAVE: i gotta admit im kinda sad that i didnt get to raise a little june JUNE: i'm not... KARKAT: WELL, AT LEAST WE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON FROM THIS. DAVE: we did KARKAT: SURE. JUNE: what was it? KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. KARKAT: BUT I'M SURE SOMEDAY IT WILL COME IN HANDY. KARKAT: LIKE SOME OBSCURE TRIAL WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE AND WE'LL BE ABLE TO DRAW ON OUR COLLECTIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE MECHANICS OF PARADOX IMPREGNATION. JUNE: it's kind of like jesus, huh? JUNE: a virgin birth. DAVE: definitely not a virgin KARKT: WHAT'S A VIRGIN? JUNE: man, i wonder what would have happened if i'd chosen meat or candy. DAVE: good question june buddy DAVE: i guess the world will just never know [Laughter.] JUNE: probably for the best. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Track: Dave's Ballad Reprise Duration: 1:49 Contributors: - Funk McLovin (Dave) - articulatelyComposed (Rose) URLs: - https://funkmclovin.bandcamp.com/track/daves-ballad-reprise Lyrics: DAVE: so yeah basically uh DAVE: i got pregnant with a paradox clone of june DAVE: and that was my weekend DAVE: what about you ROSE: Wait, what. ROSE: Explain. DAVE: alright so DAVE: june was supposed to make a selection between meat and candy at a picnic DAVE: right ROSE: Yes. ROSE: Yeah, that was my idea. DAVE: but she didnt do that DAVE: so like you might have imagined- ROSE: So you gave birth to her. DAVE: yeah yeah DAVE: no thats DAVE: thats basically the whole and the half of it ROSE: ...Why do I feel like this has happened before? DAVE: you know i felt that too DAVE: it was like through the whole thing DAVE: it was like this feeling of deja vu DAVE: i dont even know if i have a womb anymore ROSE: I mean, paradox space can do strange things. DAVE: yeah DAVE: well i guess its good that yknow DAVE: she didnt choose meat or candy DAVE: who knows how that would have gone ROSE: Oh, god. DAVE: yeah who knows ROSE: Now that I think about it, that was a terrible choice. ROSE: I don't know why I even thought it would be... decent. DAVE: yeah thats ok DAVE: you cant see the fu- well DAVE: you cant see the future i guess DAVE: i kinda made a musical angle of it DAVE: so like DAVE: uh DAVE: you wanna DAVE: do you wanna DAVE: you wanna do something with that DAVE: we could probably syndicate this and sell it to someone ROSE: Honestly? Sure, why not. DAVE: alright lets do it ROSE: Why not make a couple bucks aft our wacky adventures. DAVE: yeah DAVE: lets do this DAVE: i had a whole baby i might as well gat a couple dollars out of it You (I) had a baby and the baby was June You (I) had a baby and the baby was June You (I) had a baby and the baby was June It's absurd to be true (ooooh) Dave (I) had a baby and the baby was June He (I) had a baby and the baby was June Dave (I) had the baby and the baby was June And that fixed the paradox loop (ooooh) ROSE: Actually, on second thought, making a musical out of this seems like a bad idea. DAVE: yeah its kind of tacky